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  • FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful


    Added on Thursday 12 February 2009 09:16:30
    by TheOnion
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    Made by Pfizer, Despondex is the first drug designed to treat the symptoms of excessive perkiness.



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  • JoelThedude4u

    @Pingvindosis Research " the onion news"
    Wednesday 08 February 2012 21:17:43
  • Pingvindosis

    Fake. What kind of serious medical research doctor would use the term "pretty fucking annoying" about these "patients".
    Wednesday 08 February 2012 20:08:38
  • johnnyfatty

    @superdumbshit dude dont be stupid.this is obviously fake and your obviously a idiot
    Wednesday 08 February 2012 17:53:08
  • FrizzySpackleroni

    Would these be safe for persons under 18 years of age? I happen to know a 3 year old who has been over the limit of content for at least 4 hours now and it's slightly unsettling, apart from the youth she so adamantly takes advantage of.
    Wednesday 08 February 2012 17:16:08
  • martimmy7

    Holy crap...She used to be a cnn anchor!
    Tuesday 07 February 2012 17:47:52
  • JimHinCO

    OMG! I say "cool beans" and give hugs all the time...talk about hitting me hard! Thank gawd it's the Onion!
    Monday 06 February 2012 19:14:33
  • luckydog13423

    162 people are annoyingly cheerful
    Monday 06 February 2012 03:00:06
  • atmancloud

    Really!! Do they really want people depressed. Oh I get it, then when the drug they sold to get them depressed they can go on and sell them the drug for depression. Man what has are we becoming....
    Sunday 05 February 2012 14:22:37
  • 11Tigeress11

    Seriously this should be handed to every audience member of the Ellen Degeneres Show lol
    Sunday 05 February 2012 06:54:06
  • Pangolinx1

    I'm going to watch this again, and again, and again, and again. I am so _ing sick of the happy police telling me to cheer up the assholes.
    Sunday 05 February 2012 00:46:09
  • cappygolucky

    What the fucking hell
    Saturday 04 February 2012 02:13:54
  • ZetaPezio

    "The natural way to feel shitty: Junk Food And Sitting On Your Ass!" LOL!!! Funny shit that only people who have a clue can laugh about!!!!
    Saturday 04 February 2012 01:41:31
  • kingofamericans

    @kissmybabytwo what's up with everyone thinking this is fake? It's serious.
    Friday 03 February 2012 22:35:08
  • speedsurfer123

    RonPaulRonPaul____RonPaulRonPa­ul____RonPaul____RonPaulRonPau­l RonPaulRonPaul____RonPaulRonPa­ul____RonPaul____RonPaulRonPau­l _______RonPaul____Ron_______Pa­ul____RonPaul___________RonPau­l _______RonPaul____Ron_______Pa­ul____RonPaul___________RonPau­l RonPaulRonPaul____Ron_______Pa­ul____RonPaul____RonPaulRonPau­l RonPaul___________Ron_______Pa­ul____RonPaul____RonPaul______­_ RonPaulRonPaul____RonPaulRonPa­ul____RonPaul____RonPaulRonPau­l RonPau____RonPaulRonPa­ul____RonPaulRonPaulRonPau­l
    Friday 03 February 2012 20:08:13
  • speedsurfer123

    @Punkutatvidz i thought the same thing=D
    Friday 03 February 2012 19:49:59
  • 1deathmetalfriek1

    they should give that to Kristen stewart
    Friday 03 February 2012 13:16:26
  • DomenicDee

    FUNNY STUFF!
    Friday 03 February 2012 12:59:21
  • WindsorRose1

    Cool Beans!
    Friday 03 February 2012 12:58:12
  • imaminxkitty

    Well at least people who are depressed aren't the only ones with a problem.
    Friday 03 February 2012 11:45:43
  • TheJanisam

    @Thefreeheart I could say the same to you.. its a joke, get a life
    Friday 03 February 2012 09:45:53
  • metrikal1

    I like to take these to level out my prozac personality. Mixing them turns you into an emotionally even zombie, which is perfect for my line of work as a corporate slave. I'm surprised pfizer didn't come up with this sooner.
    Friday 03 February 2012 03:04:20
  • kissmybabytwo

    @eillem123 , this is a sign of the Apocalypse. :) relax, it's just a joke, the onion is new york based humorous newspaper that makes fun of mass-media.
    Friday 03 February 2012 00:26:39
  • eillem123

    I am in SHOCK - a DRUG to STOP someone from being HAPPY????? This is the SICKEST thing I have EVER heard of!!! I LOVE to be around POSITIVE PEOPLE!!! They give the rest of us a REASON to strive to better ourselves and to be more like them! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THIS COUNTRY when being HAPPY is somehow WRONG???!!!??!!??!
    Thursday 02 February 2012 22:23:12
  • lolicanadian

    depressants are things that calm you down, like heroin.
    Thursday 02 February 2012 18:53:00
  • EarthElla

    This has got to be a joke... Funny ha, ha...
    Thursday 02 February 2012 11:45:24
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